Mr. Right Called; He’s Cheating on You (and He’s Gay)Posted: October 7, 2009
Another product of my English class. No offense meant to either gender.
For more than seventeen years, I’ve been around women and I’ve yet to understand how their minds work. From daycare on I never could comprehend the origins of their fascinations with clothes, jewelry, and make-up. However, the subject that has managed to keep me particularly curious through the years has been their uncontrollable fascination with men, rivaling and possibly surpassing the one which men hold for women.
To some degree I can understand this bewitched state of mind; their have been times when I myself was taken aback by the elegance of what I believe to be the fairer of the two sexes. Still, while I have been tempted to begin pursuit based solely upon that factor I have yet to be drawn in fully by such intoxication. For a long period, I could not bring myself to understand what it was that drew the women I knew in so easily that somehow managed to elude me all of these years.
It stemmed from something girls I’d known for years had continuously said when I commented on my dissatisfaction with their choices in men. “You don’t know what it’s like when you like someone that much.” They were right; I had no idea what it was like. In most cases, I was in lust with a woman so I never went farther than a couple of brief conversations leading me to realize how dull she actually was. It was a very different experience for my friends though. I’d heard of or known many guys who had perfected the alluring qualities necessary to catch and keep kind-hearted naïve girls. At a time in which I was far younger, I had aspired to be like one of those guys. I was born with sufficiently good looks, could easily enough hide my insecurities with a charming smile and pre-existing witty dialogue, and at such a young age I didn’t need much money to pass for a reasonably classy person.
Yet, as time went on and I began to see the emotional impact that such actions could have on others, I no longer desired to be that way. As many girls as I had met who were quite content in a serious relationship, there were at least five others who had been in many unsuccessful ones and continued to boldly say to any younger girl they wished to mentor, “You will never find a really nice guy.” With all of the selfish men I had seen in the world, I was beginning to further understand their point of view and see the origin of that catchy phrase, “Gay, straight, or taken.” However, just as I had so many times before, I found another flaw in the argument.
I’ve looked around myself numerous times in the past years trying to examine why I wasn’t taken. In more recent times, many women had considered that I was the type of guy who was very nice, handsome, and considerate. I’d already resolved with myself that I would never be unfaithful to the woman I was with under any circumstances, having seen the other end of such break-ups constantly with the women I cared about. With all of this in mind, was I not worthy of being one of those taken? Thinking more extensively about all the nice single guys I knew, I had to wonder if they were not worthy either?
As time continues, I cannot bring myself to believe that women (or at least the women I know) are foolish. In many cases, they’ve made far wiser decisions than I or any other male I’ve met would have made. Certainly, if they are intelligent enough solve problems in the relationships of their friends, they are intelligent enough to solve their own. These days, I’m beginning to think that it isn’t the women who are at fault with the choices they make in these situations, for we are all deceptible to the impact emotions have on our judgment. The answer lies in the men. In reality, as men we are not nice enough, handsome enough or considerate enough. It may even be that we are too nice and considerate, and despite all their complaints, women actually want a guy who isn’t always going to be there for them. In the eyes of women, the good guys aren’t always good guys, the bad guys aren’t always bad guys, and nice guys are rarely the right guy. The truth of the matter is that the “ideal man” is only as good as we think he is.