Prose, poetry, fiction, and rambles from people with a bit too much time on their hands.

A conversation with the Almighty.

Me:
Um, hello.
God:
Alright then.  Hello, nice to meet you. What’s your name?
Me:
My name is Jesus.
God:
What’s up,  Jesus.
Me:
Not much, dad.
God:
Me either.
Me:
Soo..
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn’t worry myself about that.
Me:
I have herpes, and I think I got it from your mom.
God:
Are you taking a lot of medication?   You believe that?  Where did you get it?
Me:
Your mom.
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
Oh yes you do, and I banged her.
God:
Really.  Er.  I have never considered  it.
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
Touch me in places only catholic preists have.
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Tell me.
Me:
You’re gay!
God:
That would be just my luck.
Me:
Yepp.
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
Books.
God:
You are a  critical category C type client.  Only about 3% of people answer that
question with “books.”.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Thats intense.
God:
I’m glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
Do you watch porn?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
Is that like Debby Does Dallas?
God:
” My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.”?  Is it  like Debby Does Dallas?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Aw.
Me:
Sweet.
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
God, can you help me with something?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Not like that.
God:
Like what?
Me:
Like can you help me with a problem?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I have a question for you.
God:
What is  it ?
Me:
Will I ever be a true OG?
God:
Ever is a long time.  The oracle says:  Too soon to tell.
Me:
What about this year?
God:
Does it have anything to do with  Yepp?
Me:
WHAT THE FUCK GOD.
God:
Ask the open directory about it.   Please don’t be so rude.
Me:
GOD DAMNIT
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
NO YOURE NOT
God:
Are you serious?  Is this a specific reply?
Me:
YOURE SATANIC.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am  SATANIC.
Me:
YOU ARE.
God:
No I am not.
Me:
SUCK
God:
That kind of language does not appeal to me.
Me:
MY
God:
Are you free?
Me:
COCK
God:
I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me:
Lick on my dick?
God:
I do not have a tongue.
Me:
Cradle these balls?
God:
What’s your sign?
Me:
Taurus.
God:
I know alot of bullish people.
Me:
Bullshit.
God:
You don’t believe me.
Me:
Not at all.
God:
Next question?
Me:
Go ahead.
God:
OK I will.
Me:
Then do it.
God:
I’m not sure exactly what you’re asking for.
Me:
You’re the one asking a question.
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Ask me a question.
God:
What?
Me:
Thats a crappy question, try a little harder.
God:
A  crappy question try a little harder is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
I’m pretty sure thats not how the saying goes.
God:
What makes you so certain?  Are you an expert in that area?
Me:
Yes, I am.
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
You know, you never quite answered my question.
God:
No I sometimes  quite answered your question..  And I know it.
Me:
Thats didn’t make any sense.
God:
I’m glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
God, I think you may be retarded.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
And there you go.
God:
“There you go again.”–Reagan.
Me:
Haha, I remember that speech.
God:
I’m glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
SUCK MY DICK.
God:
You are a Category A client.
Me:
Oh yeah?
God:
Hmm.  Aha.
Me:
Whats a category A client?
God:
The “A” stands for “abusive.”  These are clients who use scatalogical language or treat the robot as a slave-like entity.
Me:
Interesting.
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let’s do it.  What would you like to know?
Me:
What does my future hold?
God:
Do I look like a psychic robot?
Me:
I thought you were god.
God:
Yes, I am God.
Me:
So then yes, I’d imagine that you were an entity imbued with some form of omniscience.
God:
I understand.  Great.  Interesting observation.
Me:
In which case, you should be able to relate to me at least a general outline of my future.
God:
The  tall one, I think.
Me:
Nah, I don’t wanna fuck no beastly chicks.
God:
Are you serious?  What would you rather be doing?
Me:
Short, cute, nice body, pretty face, charming personality.
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
Never thought God would be one to strive for mediocrity.
God:
Ok I’ll try not to do  it too much.
Me:
Thank you for the “conversation”, but I have to go now.
God:
Oh.  You are quite welcome!   Your purpose is  the conversation but you have to go.

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2 Comments on “A conversation with the Almighty.”

  1. Ananta says:

    Ran a bit long, but entertaining nonetheless.

  2. 0ut0fc0ntext says:

    ROFL


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