Rock, with a side of Roll.Posted: February 28, 2008
There are certain factors that affect the overall persona of one who describes themselves as a “Rock Star”. I am of course, here to define them.
- Billy Corgan Factor: The lead singer of the old Smashing Pumpkins and the newer, definitely not Smashing Pumpkins but still uses the name anyways, is of course, a jackass. Ergo, one’s Billy Corgan Factor is how much of a jackass the lead singer of a band is. A factor over 98 (The year in which they stopped playing rock and took an ill-advised turn into electronica), is of course, really horrible.
- Peter Townshend Scale: This is defined as the likelihood and severity of the guitarist of a band to destroy their guitar by smashing it into something. This scale is of course, much like the Richter scale. Havent you heard what a guitar sounds like as it is being smashed and possibly exploding, while still plugged into the amp? Perhaps as bad as an earthquake. Perhaps even worse.
- Hendrix Capacity: While still on the subject of the guitarists, lets talk about the Hendrix Capacity. As many of you know, he was a druggie. As many of you also know, he was damn good at playing guitar. Hence, one’s Hendrix Capacity is one’s guitar ability in proportion to how many opiates, uppers, downers, alcohol, e tablets, etc in your bloodstream.
- Stairway to Radio Heaven: A quick glance on wikipedia shows that Stairway to Heaven “is the most requested and most played song on FM radio stations in the United States”. Hence, a band’s Stairway to Radio Heaven is the one track on any of their albums/EPs/etc that leads to immense popularity.
- Fall Out Boy Syndrome: Let’s keep this one simple, because it isn’t really that complicated. Fall Out Boy Syndrome is the disease by which so many bands these days are affected with. It is, of course, the rapid growth of a band that really had no prior credentials in the “indie” scene and rely on the generic pop-punk chords and choruses to badly sing their way to the bank.
Just five for now. Maybe some more if you people like it.